Brain Freeze

I’ve been trying really hard lately to be funny. 

That sounds weird.

What I mean to say is I’ve been trying to figure out funny stories to tell you about My Offspring being assholes or why I disdain Teslas or why it is that there is so much pontificating over organic, whole grain, coconut oil, hemp seed dinners when One: nobody wants to hear about it, especially Your Children, so just have quesadillas and call it a day and Two: these are the same people who have faces filled with Botox. It confuses me, this Organic, Whole Grain, All Natural Botox Person. But I confuse easily so it's probably just me.

But all of my thoughts are so entrenched in current Life Situation and Unknown Future that it’s hard for me to try and force my fingertips to stray another way. My brain is frozen in this sort of melancholy uncertainty that to try and be more lighthearted feels like a betrayal to my thoughts. Don’t get me wrong…I haven’t completely gone off the way side. I mean when That Lady came 10 minutes late to yoga this morning and made me move my mat over in the middle of my downward dog because for some reason her time is more important than my time and it’s totally cool to just disrupt the entire class, and then not even mumble an apology as she forces me to move all my stuff over even though I was there 15 minutes early because to be early is to be on time….I mean That Lady is clearly a horrible person who has zero awareness and I kinda wanted to kick her while we were in fallen triangle. 

See? My brain is still full of snarky.

But then my brain goes back to…ugh….That Lady is so not worth my time or effort or snakiness because I’ve got all this other stuff going on….and she doesn’t know she’s an asshole because otherwise she would have apologized so I can’t change her. Carry on.

But then I’m like NO! The world needs to know that you don’t just come 10 minutes late to a packed yoga class with complete disregard of EVERYONE! The world needs to know they shouldn’t be That Lady! 

But then I’m like…eh. I’ve got more important things to worry about. Like…how do you pack crystal stemware to ensure it doesn’t break? And also-where am I going to live? And does anyone know how to remove a Fathead off of a wall and preserve it? Because I’m scared of The Wrath of Son if I can’t figure out a way to do this. And oh yeah…I need a job and like…. health insurance I think and…some other stuff I can’t be bothered with right now…

So then I’m like…let’s think about That Lady again and how much we hate her. Much easier on the brain. I’ll just bury my head back underneath all this sand and stare down jerks at stop signs who try and run over My Children all while contemplating why Son loves steak but complains every time I make steak stir-fry for dinner. It just makes no sense. Like that snow pea with the steak is going to kill him. 

See? It’s so much more fun when my brain works the way it was intended to. 

What I do know about a freeze, brain or otherwise, is that it will melt eventually. And then it will freeze again, just when you’re used to the spring sunshine on your face. But…you wait and you are patient and the freeze gradually slips away; perhaps you will not even notice it has left. Perhaps you will just be going about your day when you notice you feel warm again. The freeze has finally surrendered to the season you have so desperately been aching for. 

What I also know is that…everything will be okay. Things will be resolved. A roof will cover our heads, I will pack the stemware to perfection and I might just have to buy another Fathead. But things will be okay.

Just a little freeze to work through.