What did those kids do to that nice lady?

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Gelato B&B

The other day I was scrolling through my email when I came across a couple from Husband with links attached to them regarding Bed and Breakfasts in Maine. I clicked on the links and was quickly escorted by the magic of the Internet to these charming little B&B’s thousands of miles away. Oh, that’s sweet. Husband was planning a get away? A little something different? I’ve always wanted to visit Maine; it seems very romantic and rustic. Of course, pretty much any place sounds that way when you take Children out of the equation.  Oh-you want to visit Barstow?  Sure! Do they have a nice hotel there?  AWESOME.  But...as I looked closer to the link, I realized that these Charming Maine Bed and Breakfasts were FOR SALE.  And that Husband wasn’t planning a trip, he was dreaming of a purchase. Yeah, this was a little Pie in the Sky, sitting around killing a few minutes kind of email he sent me...I mean...who hasn’t sat around and dreamt about a different kind of life in a different place? I mean, CERTAINLY not me, especially not when two Small Children are losing their shit at the same time over Insignificant Crap and the only creative thought I seem to manage most days is something new to make for dinner....no no no...it’s the dream life here, baby. But Husband wants to BUY a Bed and Breakfast and RUN it?  


Listen, I’m the first to admit that we are very spoiled in the Gelato House. Our needs are more than met. We live in a beautiful place NEXT TO THE OCEAN. I maintain a suntan all year long.  When the temp hits below 55 or over 80, we are cranky. I get to be home with the Children, a job that no one will ever thank you for and will turn you into a Crazy Person, but a job you will never regret holding. And while most people may think our Stay at Home Mom Days are filled with yoga and coffee, the truth is we are busy being your Slaves. And the very last thing that sounds like a relaxing, dreamy life change is being Slave to More People. I can see it now: I’m making beds and turning out tasty appetizers while Husband is the “Bartender” hosting wine tastings in the parlor at Happy Hour. Husband talking football in the Breakfast Nook with Happy Guests as I’m covered in muffin batter and slugging shots of espresso in the kitchen. Eight bathrooms to clean instead of two. Oh my God...can you even imagine the amount of laundry? Sheets and towels and sheets and towels and sheets and towels EVERY.DAMN.DAY.  And of course in Maine there would be an actual yard to maintain with actual trees with actual leaves that will fall from it that will actually need to be raked up and Husband, being from a place that has ONE SEASON, a rake might confuse him, not to mention a shovel and turning on the car 37 minutes before you might want to leave so the chances of freezing to death en route to destination are slightly less. Also-I would have to be NICE to these people ALL OF THE TIME because they are paying us to stay in our Charming Bed and Breakfast and my occasional outbursts of WHY CAN’T ANYONE PICK UP THEIR DAMN TOWEL? might be frowned upon and also get me a bad Yelp review. 

So....yeah...listen. I’m out on the Bed and Breakfast in Maine Fantasy.  Instead, Husband, keep coming back to your very own little Bed and Breakfast, Casa Gelato, where your bed is made each morning, your laundry is cleaned and folded, and dinner appears before you each night and you didn’t even have to THINK about it and sometimes you get yelled at for not hanging up your towel in a perfect and efficient way. Yes, there are two Small Children who must be attended to and a Wife who may or not be cranky depending on the mood of the two Small Children BUT the good news? You can still host happy hour.  Every.Damn.Night.