- You may trick or treat as long as you like. For we know it’s not so much the candy as it is the act of trick or treating that is truly the fun part.
- You may eat as much candy as you want on this night.
- No Magical Little Fairy is going to come and take your candy from you while you slumber and leave you a toy instead. You earned that candy. And the last thing I want in my house is another shitty toy. The only person stealing your candy will be me.
- I will steal your candy whenever I want. I may or may not ask you for permission.
- You know I want the Twix, so just hand them over and nobody gets hurt.
- You may keep in your possession the bag of candy for a few days with no questions asked. But once I find candy wrappers in your bed (Daughter), I will repossess the candy and pass out as I see fit.
- After a week, give or take, I will quietly retrieve the leftover candy, discover that, once again, you’ve hardly eaten any of it after that first wondrous, miraculous night that was Halloween, put it into a large ziploc bag, hide it in my cupboard, and use it to bribe you for various reasons over the next few weeks. It will soon be forgotten, and one day, while searching for that pie pan I can never seem to find, I will discover this bag of candy and I will toss it.
Have a wonderful, safe, Happy Halloween.