What did those kids do to that nice lady?

Friday, October 31, 2014

Happy Halloween...

A love letter to my Children on Halloween:

Dear Small, Cherished People Who Live in my House,

It is almost that time of year again. No, not Christmas.  (Even though that will be here in approximately 7 minutes Adult Time and 7 years Child Time.  Ohhhh…how I want to live in Child Time again.) It’s Halloween. Now, I know you know this, Dear Children, because you have been counting down the days for an estimated 7 months and also, because my beloved Target has been inundating you with this approaching Halloween Holiday since late August. Now, I get it. I’m excited too. It’s the only time of the year I will allow myself to eat those little squares of heaven called Peanut Butter Snickers. I’ve never been a huge-“Halloween is my Favorite Holiday!!!!” kind of person, but I certainly remember the great joy it brought me when I was a child. Strolling the sidewalks in strange clothing, the lamps on the street guiding our way as the leaves crunched beneath our toes, knocking on all those familiar doors, eagerly awaiting what little treasures would land in our outstretched, greedy bags. There was the house that always gave us dimes and nickels. There was the house that always gave us regular sized candy bars. (WHAT!!!! AMAZING!!!) There was the house that was always dark and clearly not meant for little hands knocking. And there was the loot! Oh-the loot that would last for weeks! Halloween was truly awesome.

But people are trying to steal Halloween from you, Dear Children. People, who once upon a time were Children themselves. These people grew into Adults and are now trying to suck the fun out of this one night a year. They are acting like this Halloween tradition of cruising your neighborhood and collecting candy is going to RUIN YOU. That you will become sugar-crazed, greedy little children. They are giving out STICKERS. And PRETZELS. They’re pushing their Organic, GMO-Gluten-Free policies onto YOU, on this one, sacred night. This ONE NIGHT you wait 364 days for!  But I will not do that to you. I will let you have your fun, and eat it too. These things I promise to you, Gelato Children, on this Halloween Night:

  1. You may trick or treat as long as you like. For we know it’s not so much the candy as it is the  act of trick or treating that is truly the fun part.
  2. You may eat as much candy as you want on this night. 
  3. No Magical Little Fairy is going to come and take your candy from you while you slumber and leave you a toy instead. You earned that candy. And the last thing I want in my house is another shitty toy. The only person stealing your candy will be me.
  4. I will steal your candy whenever I want. I may or may not ask you for permission.
  5. You know I want the Twix, so just hand them over and nobody gets hurt.
  6. You may keep in your possession the bag of candy for a few days with no questions asked. But once I find candy wrappers in your bed (Daughter), I will repossess the candy and pass out as I see fit. 
  7. After a week, give or take, I will quietly retrieve the leftover candy, discover that, once again, you’ve hardly eaten any of it after that first wondrous, miraculous night that was Halloween, put it into a large ziploc bag, hide it in my cupboard, and use it to bribe you for various reasons over the next few weeks. It will soon be forgotten, and one day, while searching for that pie pan I can never seem to find, I will discover this bag of candy and I will toss it. 

In other words, Dear Children, go have the best time. Find your friends on the darkened streets, be silly, say Trick or Treat and thank you, get a sugar high and create memories. We only have so few of these precious years. Just a handful of years where the world is magic to you. When Santa is real; the Easter bunny exists; small, flying fairies leave you dollars for recently departed teeth. And your neighbors give you candy simply because you knocked and said Trick or Treat!

Have a wonderful, safe, Happy Halloween. 

No comments:

Post a Comment