THAT person

You know the person.

Hell, you might even BE that person.

What person, you ask? Oh, that one in front of you at Target having a full blown conversation with their phone nestled between their ear and neck while checking out. Or how about that one in the locker room who felt it necessary that we not only listen in on HER side of the conversation, but also the OTHER side so she went ahead and put it on speaker? And let’s not forget the one ambling slowing while viciously texting and crossing the street at the same time, completely unaware of traffic and the basic rules of a 4-way stop.

Cell phones have taken over the world-okay-I get that. It’s annoying, but you know, it happened. But do we need Obnoxious Cell Phone Users to take the world over in addition? Listen. One: you’re not that important. I promise. I know this because I am being forced to listen to your conversation about your son’s birthday party in two weeks or that girl who was so hot last night or what a bitch your friend is or like, oh my god, you’re so hungover and I’m preeettttyyyy sure that conversation can wait until you exit the store and are in the privacy of your car. Personally, I’ve never understood why people don’t care if anyone around them can listen in on their conversations, but what I really wonder is…. aren’t you embarrassed? I mean….do you not have any grace or comprehension of manners or even consider how rude it is to purposely ignore a person who is helping you because you arae having a “Very Important Phone Call?” I mean, you don’t have to have an in-depth conversation but maybe a hello and a tiny bit of eye contact will make you not seem like a complete dick. And why are you talking SO LOUD? If you’re going to display your complete disregard for everyone around you, can you at least keep it down? Why are you yelling? And may I reiterate: you’re not that important. Bring it down a notch. Or 12. 

Turns out though, that people can not only be terrible at Talking on the Phone, they can be equally terrible at Texting on the Phone. Particularly when trying to say…drive and text, which happens to be against the law here in California. Or walk and text-which is not against the law- but thinking maybe it should be. Point in case? The person crossing an intersection with their head down apparently texting the President their ideas for how to deal with Russia because why else wouldn’t they LOOK UP when crossing the street? That cars drive on. Large vehicles that will hurt you greatly if impact is made upon you. Listen, I’ve walked and texted before, rather successfully, but I have this Common Sense that tells me if I’m going to cross an intersection, I should maybe…check things out. See what’s happening. Make eye contact with the driver. You know, cuz I don’t want to like…get hit by a car or a pack of those super annoying cyclists who seem to think they do not have to abide by any traffic laws. I’m not that important, but I am to a few people who would be super embarrassed by me if I got hit by a car while walking and texting.

The problem is that these Obnoxious Cell Phone Users are probably…you know, obnoxious in general. I’m sure they order their convoluted lattes with a temperature request and wouldn’t even dream of putting their cart away. It’s too bad that Apple hasn’t invented some sort of way to…shock someone…when they’re being Obnoxious. Just a little jolt…nothing too painful. Just a little reminder that you’re being a dick and you need to bring it down.

Wait. 

Is there an app for that?