Dear Offspring’s School,
Hey-what’s up? How’s everything going? Pretty good, I hope. And me? Well, you know, I’m fine, I suppose. Just plugging along in this school year. Hot DAMN the years just FLY BY, am I right? I mean, weren’t The Children just in preschool painting pictures of rainbows and dinosaurs? Oh man…those were the days. THOSE WERE THE DAMN DAYS! Because now, there are no rainbows. There are NO RAINBOWS. I mean, Son is certainly drawing things in school these days but-funny story-it’s for Math! Oh my God I know!! Like-what the….? And no, he’s not in middle school, silly. He’s in 3rd grade-remember? And, geez, this kid is smart. Like….smart. I mean-he’s pretty much been smarter than me for at least 17 months now. Don’t tell him I said that. He’ll use it against me. I know I know…everyone thinks their kid is a Beautiful Genius, but…how shall I say this…..they aren’t. I’m not throwing the G word out there for Son, but kid is smart is all I’m saying.
And WHY am I saying this? Well, because, here’s the thing, School. I’ve got this Smart Kid who does well in school, is kind to his peers, respectful of his teacher, an adamant Rule Follower to boot, and each night, anywhere from 60 to….120 minutes, he is doing His Homework. And each night for about 60-120 minutes, we’re sitting at the table together talking about tape diagrams and some other shit I can’t remember right now and my Smart Kid is getting more and more frustrated because he would pretty much rather be doing….almost anything else…than tape diagrams. And guess what, School? Me too. And guess what again, School? He already did them. In School. While it was in session. He gives you a solid 7 hours, five days a week, and I cannot disagree with him that at the age of 9 years, in 3rd grade, Son should be able to come home from school, have a snack, watch his TV show and go outside and play until I tell his cute little butt it’s time to come in for dinner. You’re pretty much destroying his Childhood with this silly math homework you are RELENTLESS about sending home. Congratulations. Let’s take a nice, Smart Kid and make him hate school. In 3rd grade. Slow.Clap.
So, here’s the thing, School. Can we make a compromise? You can do aaallllllll the Common Core you want from 8:30 to 3:00 and then he gets to come home and not do it again until 8:30 the next day. I know, I know…that’s not quite a compromise, but…life’s not always fair now is it? Don’t you worry too much; The Children will have plenty of time as they grow older to devote their Beautiful Genius Selves to homework. But please, for now, let’s just go outside after school and have a game of catch, shall we?
Glad we got that cleared up.
Gelato Mama on Behalf of All Parents of The World.