Here in Gelato land, I have to admit that we do not go to church. We keep meaning to go, but at like 6 p.m. on any given Sunday, we’re all...oh, crap. We forgot to go to church. We promise that we will at least TRY to remember to hit up church next week....flash forward to next week....oh crap. We forgot to go to church.
I believe in God and I do want my kids to have some sort of understanding that God is WATCHING YOU SO YOU BETTER NOT MESS UP, KID. Oh wait, that’s Santa. No, I am a believer in the Don’t Be A Douche God; my God just wants people to chill and be nice and not get so angry while driving vehicles. But, explaining ‘Douche’ to a 2 and 4 year old is beyond my abilities without using even more inappropriate language, and I’m not sold that it’s mandatory to sit through an hour of mass every Sunday with squirmy toddlers in order to remain in good standing with The Big Guy.
So, to go or not to go, that is the question. A list of pros and cons.
A few reasons why it might time to go to church:
One) When my son asked me what that building was, I said, that’s a church. And he said, what’s a church?
Two) When we pray, my daughter thanks God for Tic Tac’s.
Three) One time, my son asked what a certain word said. It said ‘Jesus.’ He said, “Oh, like Chuck E. Cheeses? My mom won’t let us go there but I see it on TV.”
Four) Every night, I say God Bless You to my kids. The other night my son asks, What’s God? I told him God lives inside us and all around us and wants us to be good and kind people. He paused for a moment and then said that God is going to be pretty upset with Richard at his school because he is NOT.NICE. (Dude, Richard, you’re four. Don’t be a dick.)
Five) Husband’s mom went to the convent when she was a teenager. I’m sure we are not making her proud.
Six) Son thinks heaven is where you “drink wine with all of your friends” because that’s what his friend told him. (This heaven sounds fantastic...I’m going to go with this as well.)
Seven) Possible donut and/or pancake breakfast following mass.
A few reasons to put off church for a couple years:
One) My kids should think I’m God and can and will punish them as I see fit.
Two) Getting everyone dressed and out of the house by 830 on a Sunday morning seems like cruel and unusual punishment.
Three) I think it’s funny that my kid thinks Jesus and Chuck E. Cheeses are the same thing.
Four) It just sounds...annoying to go somewhere for an hour where you have to be quiet with two small children. I KNOW the Good People in the world do this each week...but...Lord. I’d just be praying for it be over. Kind of like airplane rides with children. I don’t think God wants to be compared to that, do you?
I guess we could find a compromise; we could be those Christmas and Easter Church People for a while...see how that goes. Of course, we’d have to ignore the dirty looks we would get from the good Weekly Church People because we took their parking spot. I do like to sing Christmas carols, so that’s a bonus. All good intentions aside, I think I’m probably going to go ahead and just keep trying not to be a douche for a few more years and hope that rubs off on my kids. And then, I promise, we are SO in. I swear. Just a couple more years...