What did those kids do to that nice lady?

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Good jeans

I have found that attempting, oh-anything, with a two and four year old in tow is almost pointless. Each time I find myself with an errand to run that doesn’t involve Trader Joe’s or Target (CAN YOU IMAGINE?) I have to pump myself up.  They’ll be FINE.  Just bring snacks.  And handcuffs.  I gave myself this pep talk as we walked into the Gap to look for jeans for the kids.  Oh, a denim sale?  How perfectly timed am I?  This is going to be a piece of cake!  Silly woman.  Do not pat yourself on the back so soon.  Do not forget that the racks and racks of clothing have a power that is greater than threats, greater than bribery, greater than ALL THAT IS.  They will swallow your children and leave you in state of panic and embarrassment as you shout their names and look under and over each rack as khaki covered 18 year olds stare at you in wonder and fear.  And before I could stop it, I had turned into THAT MOM.  Can’t she control those kids?  Why are they running around so much?  Is she sweating?  Did she just call them shitheads?    Hey, guess what?  You know what happens when you don’t LISTEN TO MOMMY IN THE STORE?  Only Mama gets new jeans.  Sorry suckers.  (Although thinking handcuffs might be completely genius idea.)  

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