Land of Valet

At my son’s school, they have started a valet drop off for the older kids.  It’s only for 15 minutes and if you miss that time slot, your ass is left searching for a parking spot, hauling your kids out and dragging them in yourself.  You know, the old fashioned way.  I cannot express how much I HEART valet drop off.  It’s amazing.  Do you know how impossibly slow a 4 year old is getting in and out of a car?  We are not talking seconds, here; we are talking minutes.  Minute upon minute upon minute of silent pleading GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE CAR.  When I drop him off at school, he tends to move a bit faster; he can feel the pressure of all the alpha moms behind me waiting their turn.  But each morning, I see the same silent pleading in the teacher’s eyes; why is he taking so long?  Get out.  Get out.  Get out.  Get out.  My son sllliiiiddddeeessss out of his seat, looking confused, as if we haven’t done this same thing every day for a month, and is then jerked out of the car by said teacher and kind of stumbles over to the fence where he is directed to stand with his classmates.  I try to drive slowly away so I may catch a glimpse of him being him when he doesn’t think I’m watching.  (Is there greater joy than spying on your kids?  To see them, unaware of your presence, being their own person?) 

This valet service has literally changed my...life. Yes...YES.  I’ll say it.  IT CHANGED MY LIFE!  Instead of drop off taking 20 minutes, it takes 2.  I no longer have to take deep, meditative breaths so early in the morning; those are now reserved only for pick up!  Which, oh my God, if they started a valet pick up...oh, shit.  That would be better than, you know, ice cream.  And even though I have to leave my house 15 minutes earlier to make the drop off, which means 15 less minutes to get everyone dressed and fed and make lunches and have brushed hair (okay...their hair isn’t always brushed), which, in case you didn’t know, 15 minutes can be A REALLY LONG TIME in the land of small children, it is worth it.  So very worth it.