What did those kids do to that nice lady?

Friday, September 2, 2011

Birth Order

It’s so true what they say about birth order.  I say that like I’ve done actual research about birth order, but please know that I haven’t.  I speak only from birth order experience.  I am the youngest of three and I pretty much did what I wanted because no one had the time or energy to care.  I mean...to watch me.  I mean...you know what I mean.  My mom has told me  that I was really easy to potty train.  She just woke me up one morning and said, Okay!  This is it!  No more diapers!  And I then said Okay!, put on my undies and never had an accident or an issue.  Although I prefer to think this was because I was a potty-training genius, I’m pretty sure that it means I was perhaps a bit...older...than the normal potty training child and my mom was just...busy...looking after her other two kids who had REAL problems like homework and potty training was a serious pain-in-the-ass issue that could be dealt with later.  To which I say AMEN SISTA!  I only have two children, one who is potty trained OF COURSE because he was the FIRST and I did everything TOTALLY RIGHT and the other who, one could argue, might need to be potty trained but...I’ll do it later.  
I’m sure my son will grow up to be just as clever and smart and curious as I believe him to be.  He better be because he had the proper amount of tummy time.  I expect him to be a “good example for your sister!”  (Yes...I actually say that.  And then cringe.)  His shit needs to be IN ORDER.  After all, we did flash cards.  As for my daughter...well, she will probably have her own reality show one day.  Not that she won’t be capable of great things, but when she takes her shirt off in Target and runs down the aisle laughing and shrieking with joy, I can only assume she is...crying out for attention? No, her every move was not captured on film.  She does not have a baby book.  She did not do tummy time, and miraculously she can hold her head up despite that fact.  She is not potty trained, but I’m sure she will be before kindergarten.  She is hilarious and a little bit raunchy, which I know is a weird way to describe your two year old daughter...but if you know her you are nodding your head right now going...OMG-she IS kind of raunchy.  I can just keep my fingers crossed that she uses these powers for good instead of for the pole.  Or a terrible show on Bravo that I would surely TIVO if it was on now starring someone else’s daughter who clearly was not potty trained until she was 7.  
I’m not really sure the point of all this except to say that I do believe we are shaped by the order of which we were birthed.  It’s impossible not to be.  I just hope that my kids grow up knowing that Mom always tried the best she could...sometimes failed...but always always ALWAYS loved and cherished them equally.  And, oh my God, I just know if we have another baby, that one will be BLOGGING about it one day.

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