I am pretty sure that a 15 year old asshole has taken over the body of my four year old. You know how they say, oh the terrible two’s? Yeah, it turns out that the terrible two’s are just a training exercise for THE REST OF THEIR LIVES. Infants are hard. One is hard. Two is hard. Three is hard. Four is hard. I’m guessing five and six and seven and 12 and 17 and 21 all come with their own special challenges. I summed this up in a conversation (therapy session) with my sister yesterday when I said Maybe kids just suck. Of course, I don’t mean that. I meant it at THAT moment, but we all know the wonderful gift blah blah blah so funny and blah blah blah love those little crazy people more than anything. But a mother can only take so much before she excuses herself from the dinner table, grabs her wine and locks herself in her own bedroom.
I would say that 4 has been my most challenging year so far with my son. While I am amazed at his growth and intelligence and independence, I am taken aback by his sudden sass and attitude and confused by his apparent deafness. Oh yeah-4 year olds go temporarily deaf. This is not in the books but it is Very.True. They will only hear you if your mouth is very close to their heads and you are YELLING. A conversation goes something like this:
Son, could you please put your books away? (Silence.) Hey-could you please go ahead and put your books away? (Nothing.) Honey? I need you to put your books away please before we can go to the park. (Nada.) I’m starting to get frustrated. Please put your books AWAY or we will have to stay home. Please. Do. It. NOW. (Eye roll. Silence.) PUT YOUR BOOKS AWAY RIGHT NOW. GET UP AND PUT THEM AWAY. NOW. DO IT! (Crying. Followed by WHY ARE YOU BEING SO MEAN TO ME? and a collapse on the floor.) I have a variation of this conversation 37 times a day. It puts me in a super mood.
So tell me, what is five going to bring? And six? And seven? What surprises lurk in the corner? Oh wait, I know. SCHOOL ALL DAY. School is not just for education and socialization; it’s also for Sanity of Mother’s Everywhere. But, I gotta tell ya. That moment when the classroom door opens and you see that cute little face, so happy to see you, and you get that great hug, you totally forget that in about three minutes, happy 4 year old will turn into asshole 15 year old. It’s a good three minutes. Totally worth the other 23 hours and 57 minutes of the day.